What is this, I don't even...

I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m trying my best but it doesn’t seem to ever be enough.
I don’t know what to think when there are so many different ends to this string.
He wants space but doesn’t want me to leave. He’s pushing me away but doesn’t want me to go.
He tells me everything is wrong then tells me everything will be ok in the end.
He tells me all these things and is surprised when I’m upset.
He’s surprised and upset that I’m upset.
Baby whats wrong, whats the matter.
Oh nothing besides the fact he made me feel like this relationship wasn’t possibly going anywhere in the future.
Sometimes I feel like we’re completely incompatible, but sometimes I feel like I couldn’t picture my life without him.
Is this some kind of masochistic joke I’m pulling on my own emotions?
Is it love or just a yearning for something that’s intangible.
Do I love him or is it just the game of trying to get him to love me, then when he does will I get bored?
He says he cares, his actions say he cares, but sometimes I don’t think he cares.
I would marry him in a heartbeat, but would I just be signing myself up for more of this shit.
He’s been let down by everyone else in his life and I feel like he’s not giving me any benefit of the doubt because of it. I don’t just feel it, I know that’s exactly what’s happening.
Everything seems to be fine until we talk about our relationship, then all the shit he really thinks come out, some of it I understand, some of it hurts.
Like how he said..
He likes a girlfriend he only sees 2 or 3 times a week, he feels like he doesn’t have any space.
But I shouldn’t take that personally. It’s nothing against me.
He thinks sex is boring, he doesn’t know if its his fault or mine.
But I shouldn’t take that personally either, its nothing against me.
He’s emotionally dead and doesn’t care about anything anymore.
But somehow I’m trying to believe he cares about me.
Everything he does tells me he cares, but when he says things like that my heart sinks.
I don’t know what to think when I’m getting such extreme mixed signals and no solid conclusions from him about how he feels about us.
He says things will get better when we get a house.
And if they don’t then we’ll work through them.
I hope he’s right.
This morning he’s fine, I’m shitty.
He does his cute things to cheer me up, tells me to stop being all sad.
I can’t help but feel sad when I feel like something I care so much about is slipping through my hands.
How am I supposed to feel when I have no idea what’s going to happen with us in the future.
I’ve never been so emotionally confused in my life.

Insomiatic rantings.

Mood: LOLOLOLFFFUCCCCCCKMYSLEEEEP

So it's almost 9 in the morning. I can't sleep. We're supposed to pick up Kollyn at noon, which we have to wake up at 11 for. SOOOO FUCK SLEEPING TONIGHT BRO!

Kollyn's gonna hate me for saying this but. I just spewed out a fanart, in 2 hours. OF HIS FAVORITEST PERSON. David Bowie.




Hehehe...

.. Kollyns the only person that reads this anyways.. *SIGH*..

Oh so on the topic of.. Random.
I'm kinda annoyed by THOSE kind of religious people..
Who on facebook or myspace, under "Heroes" Is Jesus or God.
Or who in like ever status update, there is something about Jesus or God in it..

My friend was saying "Oh well lord forbid they speak freely on a public media" but that's NOT the point.

The point being, go ahead, believe in something like God, if it makes your life feel more whole, but to say he's your Hero? I mean... come on..

I mean it's not like I post status updates all the time, talking about some random thought I have in my head, that relates to the non-existence of deities or anything..

Bored..

Mood: *SIGH*

Doing a research paper on Philosophers..

I honestly stunned my teacher, when I told him who I was doing my paper on..

Imagine this; Everyone in the class is retarded, knows NOTHING about Philosophy or thinking on their own.
Everyone in class is pretty much doing their paper on Plato, Socrates, and Aristole.

BECAUSE THEY'RE IN THE TEXT BOOK WE READ OUT OF

I about made my teacher shit his pants, when I said I was doing mine on Francis Bacon, Renè Descartes and Sigmund Freud.

Jesus

So I've been working on this. Honestly research papers are just too easy.. Find something, copy paste it to your essay, then slap an authors name on it. A+ 4 U!

Stuff like that is really depressing when you realize that everyone around you seems to be about 50% dumber than you.
All they care about is Myspace, Facebook, and CLOTHES AND SHOES..

fawk.

So um.

Mood:idfk

I think I have a problem.

Had another David Bowie dream..

Oh dear.

My keys!

HOLY SHIT U GUIZ!

My D & S keys ran away!

Help me find them!

My A key seems to have cancer, it's dying slowly.

Im pretty sure...

Mood: Sultry

That I had a dream about almost, or maybe actually, having sex with someone who looked suspiciously like, or was David Bowie.

(I really hate when I have GOOD dreams and can't remember shit about them when I wake up...)

Sadly he wasn't dressed as Jareth..

Mmmmm.

I need to share this. With the world.

Mood: Rofl.

Earlier tonight I was on vent with my wow-nerd friends. And we got into this conversation of what would one of them look like, if they were a female.
So he requested that someone make a picture of it.
I grabbed my tablet and ...


Doing this no matter how joyful it was in my head, couldn't be joyful in laugher, because Matt was asleep.
I literally had to take breaks from drawing it, so I wouldn't laugh my ass off every time I zoomed into the face.
I slipped a few times.

Also earlier than that, my friend Kollyn told us that our friend Josh was attempting to grow out a beard.. I laughed my ass off, because this kid looks like harry potter. So i did this...