What is this, I don't even...

I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m trying my best but it doesn’t seem to ever be enough.
I don’t know what to think when there are so many different ends to this string.
He wants space but doesn’t want me to leave. He’s pushing me away but doesn’t want me to go.
He tells me everything is wrong then tells me everything will be ok in the end.
He tells me all these things and is surprised when I’m upset.
He’s surprised and upset that I’m upset.
Baby whats wrong, whats the matter.
Oh nothing besides the fact he made me feel like this relationship wasn’t possibly going anywhere in the future.
Sometimes I feel like we’re completely incompatible, but sometimes I feel like I couldn’t picture my life without him.
Is this some kind of masochistic joke I’m pulling on my own emotions?
Is it love or just a yearning for something that’s intangible.
Do I love him or is it just the game of trying to get him to love me, then when he does will I get bored?
He says he cares, his actions say he cares, but sometimes I don’t think he cares.
I would marry him in a heartbeat, but would I just be signing myself up for more of this shit.
He’s been let down by everyone else in his life and I feel like he’s not giving me any benefit of the doubt because of it. I don’t just feel it, I know that’s exactly what’s happening.
Everything seems to be fine until we talk about our relationship, then all the shit he really thinks come out, some of it I understand, some of it hurts.
Like how he said..
He likes a girlfriend he only sees 2 or 3 times a week, he feels like he doesn’t have any space.
But I shouldn’t take that personally. It’s nothing against me.
He thinks sex is boring, he doesn’t know if its his fault or mine.
But I shouldn’t take that personally either, its nothing against me.
He’s emotionally dead and doesn’t care about anything anymore.
But somehow I’m trying to believe he cares about me.
Everything he does tells me he cares, but when he says things like that my heart sinks.
I don’t know what to think when I’m getting such extreme mixed signals and no solid conclusions from him about how he feels about us.
He says things will get better when we get a house.
And if they don’t then we’ll work through them.
I hope he’s right.
This morning he’s fine, I’m shitty.
He does his cute things to cheer me up, tells me to stop being all sad.
I can’t help but feel sad when I feel like something I care so much about is slipping through my hands.
How am I supposed to feel when I have no idea what’s going to happen with us in the future.
I’ve never been so emotionally confused in my life.