So for all of you that actually read this

Mood: Just going in a downward spiral.

My dad has been offered a job in New York. There's more than a 90% chance my parents will be moving there (with my sister of course).. Business is better up there for mechanics apparently. Which is good because it's shit down here.
Me and Matt are choosing to stay here, mostly for college reasons and such.. But now that puts more stress on me now than ever, because we have to find a place to live, more than likely even people to live with us to split rent and such..
And I have no idea when this is actually going to happen, 2 weeks from now or 2 months from now I have no idea... I don't know what we're going to do.
To be honest I'm scared. I've never had to be away from my parents for more than 3 days, and now they're moving to a completely different state. I'll have no family (other than maybe matt's parents) to fall back on if we fall into a financial runt.
I always thought I'd be the one moving out of state and leaving my parents behind...
It's all very depressing.. I know it's because of the shit economy but I can't help but think that some of this is my fault for going to college while the economy is doing terrible.. Even though I'm going on my own loans, it's really gas that's killing us.. And ever since my mom quit her job and hasn't been able to find a new one yet, of course it's been even more stressful..

I really don't know what's going to happen.. I guess all I can do is hope that things work out..

It all just seems like I would be better off jumping off a bridge..
It's always funny when I get like this..
There hasn't been a year in my life that I don't have one day I just think about ending all of it.. Life is too stressful.. I don't even belong in this century! No one understands me no one understands what art even is anymore, this is a world I don't feel like I should be a part of.. I think I was reincarnated from a Renaissance sophisticate and this world bothers and upsets me. I can't stand people who can think a red dot on a piece of paper is worth 50 thousand dollars. I can't do it..
It seems like I live in my own fantasy world where all the things I wish were real are real when I close my eyes.. As silly as it may sound I want nothing more than for things in fantasy to be real, dragons, fairies, elves whatever. Something to make the world seem more beautiful.
This world is ugly. It's full of ugly people, rotten people who do anything for a dollar.
Love and Art are the only reasons fueling my engine of Living.
Without those I would die.